Lab-Grown Penises Almost Ready For Human Trials

I’ve been dreaming of this day my whole life.

Take a moment to relax, and think of the beauty of the Universe. Billions of years ago, the Universe rapidly expanded, formed galaxies, solar systems, and eventually, our tiny little planet was gifted with life. After millions of years of evolution, our ancestors formed some of the first civilization, and the ancient wonders of the world. The Pyramids, The Great Wall of China, our civilizations continued to advance further and further until we were able to understand the stars above us as not Gods, but celestial bodies in the grand Universe. Thousands of years after the creation of The Pyramids, every Shakespearean sonnet every written, every beautiful piece of art work ever created, every song ever song has led up to today, this very moment…where scientists have grown dicks in laboratories.

What a time to be alive.

After some promising studies done on rabbits, Researchers at North Carolina’s Wake Forest Institute for Regenerative Medicine are excited to announce that within five years, they will be ready to begin human testing. What are they testing? Artificial penises, for men with congenital abnormalities or severe injuries.

According to Professor Anthony Atala, who oversaw the institute’s successful creation of penises for rabbits in 2008, they just need to take all the safety and quality assurance data, show that the materials aren’t toxic, and layout the entire manufacturing process.

Currently, men can have their penis reconstructed using forearm or thigh flesh, and a penile prosthetic is implanted to simulate a boner. Thankfully, those dark ages are coming to end. It won’t be long before a donor’s cells will be given to a man in need, where, after 4-6 weeks, the cells will blossom into a beautiful penis.

Imagine having that on your conscience. Instead of having your cells used to cure cancer or study other diseases and illnesses, you gave the greatest gift to a man in need…you gave him the gift of dick.

On behalf of all men in need, thank you. Thank you dick givers.

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