For F*cks Sake Florida, Part 1: Failed Robbery, Dolphin Sex, A Napping Outlaw,

The best news stories from Florida, compiled nicely into one article. 

Florida is an insane place to live. Every week, news stories coming from Florida never fail to amaze me with how ridiculous they are. However, due to the bizarre nature of the stories, there isn’t too much to say about them without watering down the details or to write an article that drags on. As a result, every week, I’m going to compile a new list of the craziest news stories in Florida for you to read. Enjoy! 

Florida Man Takes Nap While On Run From Police

nap

37-Year-old Kevin Lee Barbour was suspected of car theft after a deputy noticed Kevin was driving a vehicle that had no tag lights. The officer tried to initiate a traffic stop, but Kevin had no intention of stopping for the police. He pulled off the road, and fled on foot.

He quickly evaded police, and a K-9 unit was deployed on the scene. The dogs led police in a large circle before returning back to the area where the deputy first lost sight of Barbour. Soon after, the police officers heard a sound that they described as a “snorting wild boar,” which officers soon discovered was actually Barbour sleeping underneath a nearby trailer.

Barbour was arrested for driving with a suspended license, criminal mischief property damage, vehicle theft, and resisting an officer without violence.

Florida Man Admits He’s “Not Very Good At This Robbery Thing” After Dunkin’ Donuts Employees Ignored Him

dunkin-donuts

Stewart Charles McNeal is facing a charge of robbery with a firearm after he attempted to rob a Dunkin’ Donuts last week at gunpoint, however he was quickly thwarted when an employee ignored him. McNeal turned himself into police, admitting that he’s “not very good at this robbery thing.”

The official police report says that McNeal walked into the coffee shop and told an employee: “Forgive me for what I’m about to do.” McNeal then reached the counter and pulled out his gun, but was ignored by the clerk who helped the next customer in line. He said after several minutes of being unsuccessful, he even took of his mask as he waited for an employee to acknowledge him. After no such luck, McNeal left the store in a Honda Accord, which he claims he borrowed from a friend and used a homeless man as a getaway driver.

Florida Man Claims Dolphin Seduced Him In New Documentary, Dolphin Lover

dolphin guy

63-Year-old Malcolm Brenner is one of few people in the world that has had a sexual relationship with a bottlenose dolphin. His love interested with the dolphin, Dolly, took place in 1971, and the gruesome details of that relationship can be seen in documentary, Dolphin Lover.

In the documentary, Malcolm claims that the only reason he had sex with a dolphin at an amusement park in the 1970s, was because the dolphin manage to seduce him. In the interview Malcolm admits that the dolphin started to rub up against him, and in return, he rubbed her back. In the documentary, there is an animated scene that shows all the details of what happened between Malcolm and Dolly.

If you’re really interested in dolphin sex, you can read Malcolm’s book, Wet Goddess, where he claims he had a consensual sexual relationship with a dolphin.

Malcolm said that “There’s something quite transcendental about making love with a dolphin.”

God Bless you Florida. 

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About thatguyowen

Writer, hopeful for the future. Aspiring web entrepreneur and always looking to create the next big thing. @YourStupidNews
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